A Tech Support Joke

A chemist, an engineer, and a computer scientist are driving through the desert, and the car breaks down.

A punchline to remember when you’re having a tech meltdown:

A chemist, an engineer, and a computer scientist are driving through the desert, and the car breaks down.

The chemist says, “Look, guys, it’s probably something with the fluids. Let’s get out of the car, pop the hood, check the fluids, top ’em up, get back into the car, and I’m sure it’s gonna work.”

The engineer says, “No, guys, I bet it’s something mechanical. Let’s get out of the car, walk back, find the part that fell off the car, walk back, put it on, get back into the car. It’ll fire right up.”

Then the computer scientist says, “No, guys, guys, guys, listen: Let’s get out of the car, get back into the car, get out of the car, get back into the car, get out of the car, get back into the car… and then it’s gonna work fine!”

So, here’s troubleshooting 101:

  1. Whatever is not working, turn it off for 10 seconds, then turn it back on. (The geek word for this is “power cycling.”)
    • Sometimes this means force-quitting an app (in the Apple menu). Sometimes it’s unplugging your modem. Target the thing that’s causing the problem.
  2. Check all cables, everywhere. I know this sounds like an obvious one, but it is often still overlooked.
  3. Restart the computer. We know this sounds like number one, but if quitting an app and firing it back up doesn’t work, it’s always worth a wholesale restart of your computer.

Troubleshoot a slow Mac (short version)

What can I do to see why my computer has become extremely slow?

Yes! Open Activity Monitor (an app in Utilities)

  • In CPU, more black is better. More color = slower computer.
  • In System Memory, more green is better. You want at least 25% of the pie chart to be green.

If it’s not, restart your computer, and open Activity Monitor. See how things look then.

CrashPlan might be filling up your hard drive

OK, this is no longer a coincidence: All CrashPlan users should please check the free space on your Macs’ hard drives.
On your desktop, click on “Macintosh HD,” then go to the File menu > Get Info…

If the Space Available looks low, say less than 10 GB, it might be that (pardon the expression) a CrashPlan log has grown unusually large. Open up Macintosh HD > Library > Logs > CrashPlan, and look for engine_output.log. See how big it is. I’ve now seen 30 GB, 80 GB, even 600 GB.

Throw engine_output.log in the trash, and empty your trash (right click on the trash can or Finder menu > Empty Trash…).

If the trash won’t empty, restart your Mac and try again.

Perhaps your hard drive is full for other reasons, in which case the excellent freeware Disk Inventory X can help: http://www.derlien.com/downloads/index.html